soulbox

⯀Poppin' In

Hi, just wanted to pop-in and say something! I know we want to be secretive and all but what good is it if you can't express yourself every now and then, at least.

This morning was a good morning. Nothing different happened except listening to music. But music helps us connect with ourselves and we were blasting memorable tunes that we haven't listened to in so long... It helps us think retroactively about ourselves. Like, referring back to a time when some of us may have came around but in a different way. A little bit like nostalgia, I guess.

We made playlists. We've done that a couple times now. We are integrating. We are changing. I'm glad that - apart from the inner and outer hells that we're in - we were able to find some respite and develop ourselves a little bit further! It doesn't seem like much but it is. We're in our own little world. A world that nobody else can see, let alone understand. That might sound "special" but it's actually quite hellish. And the body always felt like their efforts were underappreciated in a way. It's hard to talk about this particular experience and even harder to get people to understand that mental problems are just as serious as physical ones in general (but then people don't understand physical issues either LOL).

When it comes to any sort of progress, it's the small things. It really, really is.

Oh yeah, we managed to play some SMTV! The PS4 wasn't making as much noise this time around but we know that doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. I don't feel like taking the console anywhere just to get it cleaned. Maybe we can fgure it out on our own? Guh... I'm being lazy. Sorry. lol. But who knows, maybe it needs a replacement part so it might be good to have someone look at the console.

Researching the Demifiend boss fight and it looks like it won't take us too long to prepare. I've watched videos of the Demifiend fight can that are almost an hour long but on harder difficulties. So, I'm going for 30 minutes at minimum for Normal difficulty. The fight has a trick to it but it's gonna take a little bit for us to understand the trick in action. Yes, there are Youtube videos showcasing how you can defeat the Demifiend and Shiva in two turns but look... we want to play this normally lol

We looked up when the PS4 was first released and holy shit, 12 years ago. We may have gotten it around the same year. Maybe a year afterwards? Either way, god... our body felt dated. LOL. It feels a bit surreal. Like the Nintendo DS, for example, was released back in 2005. It doesn't look like it belongs in that year but it does. Or maybe we're just weird about it lol.

Well, we're feeling a little bit better now. We're able to move around more which is great. We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. We were afraid that we might not make it because of our pericarditis (we missed an appointment the last time) but it looks like we might be able to go this time. Just have to be careful and slow. This is really good! Doesn't mean it's completely gone so we need to know if we should keep taking our pain meds or not. The pain isn't as bad as it was but it's still there.

That's it for today. I'm just happy because we all got to express ourselves a little bit more. Not like we haven't done that before but I guess everything is different because of integration. Oh, that's when alters start coming closer together because the dissociative gaps are closing. It's the end result after years of communication. We need a therapist to helps us out through the process because it is confusing. But it is happening regardless. We feel comfortable staying multiple to some degree but the overall experience hinges on whatever the mind feels best. Being a system is a wild card. You can't expect anything except... just do the thing you have to do.

- C