Non Self

It's pretty boring where we're at right now (just sitting in Jay's room… depressed… lol). So… I guess I'll try to finish up this document that I wanted to type out yesterday.

So… the self...

A while ago, Jay wanted to write a rant about the "authentic self" which they have seen online several times. Long story short, there's no such thing as an "authentic self". Or a "core self" or a "true self". Of course when people say these things, we kinda know what they mean. It is possible to lose track of one's self through hardships and confusion. You can go down the wrong path or turn into a path that wasn't meant for you.

You are then on the search for your "true self". The person you were meant to be before everything came crashing down. You've grown over the years, you've gotten wiser with time, and now it's time for change. I think when most people refer to their "authentic self", this is what they're talking about.

However, people are actively trying to look for their authentic selves which is- in fact- a load of barnacles. Our research on the topic brought Jay to a Psychology Today article explaining the concept of authenticity 🡕 Also, the Buddhist concept of the self.

Understand that we are not Buddhists and there's a lot more to this philosophy than what we have summarized.

In Buddhism, there is the non self. The word ego also doesn't exist in Buddhism or at least the western interpretation of it. Basically, after trying to find your self you find nothing except emotions and experiences that make up who you are and not a fixed version of yourself.

"In Buddhism, the term anattā (Pali: 𑀅𑀦𑀢𑁆𑀢𑀸) or anātman (Sanskrit: अनात्मन्) is the doctrine of "non-self" – that no unchanging, permanent self or essence can be found in any phenomenon." - Wikipedia

As headmates, you can say we are compartmentalized versions of the amalgamations of experiences… to put it simply. But that's putting things a little bit too simply, yeah?

Well… I mean… you wouldn't call us a self either and that's the same for parts, identities, egos, and personalities. Maybe some systems like to be called these words but we don't lol. A lot of these terms are considered outdated in the mental health community.

Ideas like a core or the original also don't really exist in systems (at least not when taken literally). Although, the word core can be used to describe certain qualities or traits that an alter has. Generally speaking, you don't want to treat a system like it has a "true inner self" lying around somewhere in the headspace and you just have to dig it up.

I can't help but think there's a little irony to all of this and it's interesting I guess… It's the same reason why the word gestalt is interesting to us as a system. The psychological, English definition of gestalt is:

"A collection of physical, biological, psychological or symbolic entities that creates a unified concept, configuration or pattern which is greater than the sum of its parts (of a character, personality, or being)." - American Heritage Dictionary

Still, sometimes I wonder what the idea of the self means to us as headmates. Obviously, we all struggle with a forming and uniform, stable identity. The process of accepting ourselves as a system is... needless to say... a very long and difficult process.

Jay has wondered about who they were before the system came into existence. They have their own journal entry about it to share but yeah.

There is no such thing as a single, unified sense of self.

And yeah, I caught a glimpse of the rest of the Wikipedia article about the non-self but we have to read it another time.

Don't even get me started on the "soul"... at least, not yet.

- 8 / 31 / 2024. Nines.