I...

Lately, I’ve been wondering where have I been and who am I.

Y'know… I. As in the body.

We’re a pretty big system. It’s too big sometimes. We are polyfragmented. The our alters don’t always like it when there’s too many fragments. One of our alters, however, is very close to the fragments. According to them, they learned a lot from monitoring the subsystems.

The more we’re active and the more we split, I wonder just where do I go. And as scary as that sounds, I’m almost okay with this.

Do I want to keep splitting? Well… no. Maybe. I don’t know. It depends…

It’s distressing. A while ago I sort of mourned a child who never got to know themselves. They never got to grow up normally in many ways. It sucks. It really hurts.

But as a system, we’ve been working hard in improving ourselves that I’m not really afraid of that loss anymore.

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. But I’d be damned to ignore how far we’ve come as a system and how much we’ve been supporting each other.

For the first time in our lives, I feel like… we’re going to be okay. Never perfect, but okay.

One of our headmates believes that the universe is full of love. I’m starting to believe it too. It’s not love in a human way. It’s love in an material way.

The idea that no matter what happens, we all remain as a part of the world and the universe above. No matter where we go, we will always come back home.

The young child who never got to know themselves is still with me. The young child is still with us. I never left. I simply went back home.

- 9 / 8 / 2024. Jay.