-miniblog

07_06_2024 @ 8:41AM //

!! VENT DUMP !!

Physical health is a trip. I'm okay, I'm not okay... Mental health is bad. Just straight-up bad. Dissociation, hallucinations, panic. Probably because I'm stressed out due to my physical / mental health. And then stressed out because I'm stressed out.

I'm able to talk now since I feel borderline normal enough. I'm still dissociating but it feels like I'm coming down now. It's a very slow process. I'm gradually sounding more like myself again.

Tried to join discord servers because I want to talk to people, maybe make friends, and find a community and support. The vetting process makes me feel awkward at best. Was denied entry for one, even after elaborating on my reasons for joining, because I couldn't find the secret word. I didn't really like that.

We will be picking up my little brother tomorrow. I'm worried that he'll be bored now since I may or may not be able to play with him due to my health. Or go out on trips.

I saw my cardiologist and I have some tests lined up but nothing feels like it's moving fast enough. My therapy appointment is later this month. My psychiatrist appointment is in... August. I think I'll call the office today and see if I can get a hold of someone. I go back to work next week.

Grandma is going through something too. Kinda worried.

Somehow, during all of this, I managed to do some drawing.

Also, Furality (a VR furcon) is happening. I don't have a VR headset, much less a computer that can run VR chat but the streams are fun. I'm still a furry at heart even if I might not be super-duper into the community or culture these days. I still have my fursonas, I just don't know what to do with them right now since I've changed a lot as a person over the years. I bought myself a Furality pin to help support the con.

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03_06_2024 @ 2:56PM //
I'm not sure why I bother joining groups and stuff. I always end up leaving because I start feeling so ungodly awkward whenever I try reaching out to people. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I talk too much. I feel so embarrassed...

I watched the movie, Shin Megami Tensei: Tokyo Mokushiroku (Tokyo Revelations) and it was beautifully bad. I'll be checking out Digital Devil Story next.

I bought myself an origami kit because I wanted to learn how to make origami. But I need practice paper. I cut some line paper to the best of my ability but the sheets are not perfectly square. My bird came out all weird and bad.

Mind and body are still doing bad but I'm relaxed... maybe. Been making progress in Nocturne. Now I'm at the point where I wanna fuse some of the big demons but I need to level first. I might play a bit of Unicorn Overlord next.

I started an exercise regimen... sorta. 5-10 minute exercise videos that I found on Youtube. I want to aim for three times a week to start and work my way up.

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01_06_2024 @ 9:18AM //
Happy June and Pride Month. I've been on vacation from work... I forgot to mention it lol but I'll be back working next week. Remaking this page but decorating it is hard. I woke up at 6AM thinking about the release of SMTV: Vengeance which is coming out on June 14th! I'm doing okay I guess. Still feel like crap but I decided to treat myself with some fast food breakfast and it was expensive. Never again. lol.

I purchased a new figure before I went on vacation. I think I wanna start making a collections page. My little brother will be spending half the summer with us. We'll be picking him up soon.

I might stop using status.cafe because of the miniblog, I dunno yet. Time to clean and do other things.

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31_05_2024 @ 9:54AM //
Went to my cardiology appointment and oops... wrong office. But same phone number. Cool. Made a new appointment. You know you're isolated when you go outside and it's like "woo... been a while" lol. Well, I'm also just paranoid of going outside. Not agoraphobia or anything. Just been through one too many "random encounters" with people. I haven't been doing well but I'm trying. I think that's the most important thing.

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28_05_2024 @ 6:08PM //
My body still feels... ugh... but I guess I feel a teeny bit better. Like... the tiniest bit. I'm still dizzy, especially when I move. It's been hard for me to focus on anything or keep interest. I've grown depressed from my condition and my fatigue and mental health is just plain bad right now. I'm doing little things here and there but yeah. A couple sysmates worked together in recoding our system page though. Been thinking about drawing again.

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27_05_2024 @ 10:38PM //
My dad got Microsfot Flight Simulator. Really cool! We need the flight stick now. I'm also kidna addicted to Pokefarm now. Decided to make an account after thinking about Pokemon the other day. Making TDE progress in SMT Nocturne! I love this friggin' game, man. Almost to the end of TDE.

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27_05_2024 @ 7:41PM //
Went to the hospital last night just to make sure nothing serious is going on with me. POTS seems likely or I might have something like it. The ER can't do anything about it though. Hopefully, my doc will figure it out soon- whatever it is.

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26_05_2024 @ 12:55PM //
Alright so... my heart meds seem to be working again (for now I guess). Still gotta make that appointment but now I can start cleaning my room again. I recorded my BP readings but I wonder if I'm having Pericarditis again...

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25_05_2024 @ 9:06AM //
Spent my entire day isolated in my room and resting. My blood pressure is not doing very good but it's not high enough to go to the emergency room for. I'll have to wait to make an appointment with my doctor next week. Gonna have change a couple things on this page at some point.

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25_05_2024 @ 12:49AM //
Hello. Test post. I might undo the grayscale on my website. Physical health has been terrible. I also feel bad because I feel weird. I look at myself and I look at how I am and it's like ??? I'm sorry dnkadnkjwajk

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