Year 2025

Layout // Jan. 5, 2025

• Mood: Sick.
• Listening: My coughing.
• Watching: Computer Screen
• Reading: ...
• Drinking: Water

Hi hi, I changed the layout again. Something is wrong with me. But while I'm at it, I might as well talk about my web building journey. I feel a little bit better and I got some medicine.

I know it's tiring with me changing everything around all of the time. It's a serious problem of mine. Maybe it's the DID, maybe it's just me. But revisions help a lot because then I start to see all these little weird decisions that I've or somebody else made while coding our pages. So that's how I cope with the issue lol. I read somewhere that you don't want to use margins to space out content so... the journal change was made. Flexbox again.

The new layout is oddly reminiscent of this old thing here and yeah. I used some parts of it. Unlike the old website though, the black background from the pop-up box actually covers the whole screen this time.

I'm still really bad with web aesthetics. It's hard to do what I'm trying to do... and I'm not sure what I am trying to do with our website. It's "anything goes while trying to figure ourselves out". Poor website ends up being an artistic guinea pig for us.

But I think we're learning about semantic code which I think it cool, at least. I remember our div upon div upon div horror from the early web building beginnings. Now everything is way easier to navigate through. The only problem is our CSS which is a mess. I see all these little ways I can streamline it but yeah, I definitely need to learn more. And JS. And iframes.

2024 // Jan. 4, 2025

• Mood: Sick.
• Listening: My nose sniffling.
• Watching: Computer Screen
• Reading: ...
• Eating: Oatmeal

Sorry for the journals. I'm trying to fill this page up which also helps me make adjustments to the code lol. I can never be satisfied with journal pages, I swear.

But anyway, I guess… let me reflect on last year?

I made a post about it when I uploaded the new website but I changed the post. Last year is something that I don't have a lot of reflection about and if I do, then I want nothing to do with it. But... then I feel bad for not having a reflection like other people do lol.

2024 was a year of a lot of self discovery layered with some horrible trauma and sprinkled with dissociative amnesia. In other words, it was a mess of a year for all of us but we made it through I guess.

I guess one thing I can say is that I've never felt closer to myself on a personal level. We ended up getting diagnosed with autism last year. Our DID diagnosis came some time before that but we've been working hard on ourselves since. I think I also wanted to foster on online space for ourselves as a system so yeah.

I won't get into the process since that's very personal and I'm sick and I have limited brain energy anyways. But if I had to summarize what the "recovery process" feels like with DID then I'd say that it is perhaps the most painful, most freeing, and most surreal experience in our entire lives. Not to mention that we've been recovering completely on our own. But now we've come into contact with another therapist who might be able to help us.

We didn't do much last year but we did get started on our medical career. Other than that… just a lot of grieving. Grieving the past self, grieving the self who I thought I knew but didn't, and grieving the self who never got to know themselves.

I don't think I've been so broken up in my life and while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy at the same time. I see how our system helps me and keeps me alive. It is also… well… surreal… when I finally "come back". When I'm (the body, Jay) is at the front.

That's all I can say about it right now. I don't have a lot of energy from being sick and my head hurts. As for any new year resolutions, I don't have any.

Except maybe... live.

Virtual Pets // Jan. 3, 2025

• Mood: Sick.
• Listening: My nose sniffling.
• Watching: Computer Screen
• Reading: ...
• Eating: Ramen

Hi. I'm going to talk about virtual pets.

I grew up playing Neopets probably like most kids around my age. I know Neopets is still around but… I'm really upset! In my last Neopets account, I had three Hissis and now I don't remember my login! An old friend gave me those Hissis. Ever since I was a wee baby, all I ever wanted was one damn Hissi (and Drake too). I finally got the Hissis and I can't remember my account. AAAAAAAA

But I think that was before Neopets went all… somewhere... I forgot where lol. I think it tried to be educational. Then that failed and Neopets was going to be an NFT project or something. Luckily, those behind Neopets had a brain and it to it's old, classic self. Nostalgic adults such as myself couldn't be happier. But damn, do I miss my Hissis. It's like... what's the point in making another account almost. lol.

Well, after I had my fun with Neopets as a kid, I found this site called "Rescreatu". I have vague memories of what the site used to look like all those years ago but surprisingly, it's still around. And I decided to make an account because of nostalgia.

Rescreatu is a virtual pet game where you pets can grow and I think… die of starvation as well. All pets come from an egg that you randomly find while exploring each of the worlds. Eggs need to be incubated but a bit before you hatch them. It takes a full month for a pet to reach its adult stage but I think there are items that can immediately grow your pet. Pets also came in a huge variety of colors and variations, both natural (hatched colors) and dyed (colors you have to buy in-game or through the credit shop). There were also seasonal pets and rare pets that can be bought in the website's credit shop (Pay real money. How the site gets support). It's still a cool and unique game, especially with the added worry that your pets can actually die.

[ Zenirix artwork by crowflux ]

[ Otachie artwork by kirawra ]

If I remember correctly, there was a graveyard where you could revive your dead pet. There was also the pet showcase which is basically a "favorite pet" gallery. You place them in the showcase to which they'll never die.

Next up, a game called Pet RPG. I was browsing Pet RPG the other day and man, did I love this one too. Sadly, Pet RPG no longer exists. It was turned into an NFT project. But when it was around, it was a neat little active site with very adorable pets!

[ Pet RPG pets artwork by ZOMB13S ]

We've been playing Flight Rising. Our FR account is almost 10 years old. "Playing" is subjective lol. We're alone and we don't talk to anybody. Just do "dailies" and dress up our dragons. But the older and creative userbase, the mature audience, and the wonderful artwork keeps us coming back.

Here's a dragon of ours that we recently dressed up (but not finished). Her name is Juliet!

So yeah, just wanted to infodump about virtual pets. A change of pace I guess. Something else to talk about so that I'm not... yeah.

Anxiety // Jan. 2, 2025

• Mood: Anxious.
• Listening: Leave It To Beaver (TV)
• Watching: Vinesauce
• Reading: ...
• Chewing: Gum

Social anxiety time.

I just get super embarrassed with myself with anything that I post online, including art. I don't like looking at myself. Not even in the mirror. It's like I wanna reach out to people and express myself. I also rather be alone and socializing freaks me out when beyond very basic "hellos" and "goodbyes".

But um... here's some pictures of the TG manga box and the TG Sound Chronicles: